Danny Bonaduce
May 18th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Parody, Video/Pictorial Humor
Surgical Separation Successful
May 7th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Parody, Satire
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH (AP Newsliar) — Doctors at the Latter Day Saints Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah have been successful in their efforts to surgically separate the careers of Donnie and Marie Osmond.
It took a team of over 30 surgeons, nurses, PR specialists, and talent agents working at LDS Hospital over 34 hours to separate the conjoined careers of the former pop duo. The siblings were joined at the teeth and also shared a personal branding gland.
Surgery was an imperative because their conjoined careers were rejecting each other; Marie is a little bit country, whereas brother Donnie is a little bit rock and roll. The surgical team reports that following the successful surgery, Donnie will be able to go on to hosting game shows, racing cars, and the like, and Marie will be free to do whatever it is she is doing these days.
→ No CommentsTags: Donnie and Marie Osmond·entertainment·humor·Parody
LOST meets Left 4 Dead
May 5th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Parody, Video/Pictorial Humor
Here’s our mashup of ABC’s LOST and the Left4Dead computer game:
Song Parody: Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire”
April 25th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Observational Humor, Parody
I DIDN’T FART, YOU LIAR
Hiney thunder, air buffet, rip snorter, bombs away
Start the Harley, barking spider, pyroclastic flow
Jersey jetwash, knicker ripper, sputter-squeaker, carpet slipper
Airy missile, sphincter whistle, rattle the window
Room clearer, butt bomb, S.B.D., pocket frog
Break wind, the scutter slide, and fartrogen dioxide
Cauliflower, three-octave, bilabial fricative
Morning thunder, lingerer, Cincinnati cyanide
I didn’t fart, you liar
You’re the one who’s squirming
Man, my eyes are burning
I didn’t fart, you liar
It was he who smelt it
That’s the one who dealt it
Jockey stainer, crack one off, nose death, and trouser cough
Gas expeller, crap propeller, toxic ass honks
Butt wind, cut the cheese, tommy sqeaker, back breeze
Let one, duck call, rumble in the Bronx
Hiney whine, jet trail, seven on the Rectum scale
Launch a rocket, thunder bun, jockey jelly, gatling gun
Beer fart, eau de poo, drop a comma, stinkeroo
Vent to space, crank the bass, and Chanel No. 2
I didn’t fart, you liar
Though I’m not discerning
Man, my stomach’s churning
I didn’t fart, you liar
It was you who smelt it
You’re the one who dealt it
Aftershock, air attack, snickerdoodle, bottom quack
Strike mud, let one fly, seam splitting sphincter sigh
Loud but proud, butt guffaw, demonstrating Boyle’s Law
Taint ripper, something died, expelling anal oxide
Smelly jelly, ordure, raspberry, let it purr
Rim shot, pootie, colonic calliope
Tail wind, stink monkey, killing off the canary
Cushion creeper, let one go, fire stink torpedo
I didn’t fart, you liar
Man, my lungs are burning
Some fresh air I’m yearning
I didn’t fart, you liar
But we should ignite it
I dare you to light it
Isothermal gas expand, one man jazz band
Flame thrower, bum blower, rotting vegetation
Ass flapper, launch a wifter, mud slapper, floorboard lifter,
Cut loose, deflate, lentil liberation
Backfire, butt cocktail, letting Polly out of jail
Thunderspray, bombs away, what more do I have to say
I didn’t fart, you liar
Saw your cheek start turning
You’d think I’d be learning
I didn’t fart, you liar
It was you who smelt it
So it’s you who dealt it
In memory of Davy Jones…
March 1st, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Parody
Here’s our parody of The Monkee’s “Daydream Believer”.
Extreme Hay Fever
Oh, I get hives, every spring
From the pollen that it brings
My nose is blocked with runny, snotty things
This disease, I despise
Wipe my crusted itchy eyes
The nasal spray is cold, and it stings
Teared up wheezy sneeze
Oh, that late spring breeze
Gives me extreme hay fever
I’ve tried home remedies
Ryegrass, timothy
Mugwort, sorrel, and ragweed
Now you know how crappy life can be
Oh, and life really hits the rocks
Around the vernal equinox
But how much do I really need to breathe
Teared up wheezy sneeze
Someone kill me please
I’ve got extreme hay fever
And some nasty allergies
Teared up wheezy sneeze
I hate this disease
I’ve got extreme hay fever
From this pollinated breeze
[instrumental interlude]
Teared up wheezy sneeze
Fucking allergies
I’ve got extreme hay fever
And there are no remedies
Administrative Note
February 16th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Administrative
I’ve migrated The Parody Files to a new hosting provider.
I *think* I did so correctly.
But if you notice anything wonky (that is, more wonky than normal) let me know.
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Song Parody: The Beatles, “Nowhere Man”
February 2nd, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Observational Humor, Opinion/Editorial, Parody, Politics, Video/Pictorial Humor
Here’s our retarded little parody of The Beatles’ “Nowhere Man.”
COULTER, ANN
What’s the deal, Coulter, Ann
With your scary mutant hand
You look like an in-drag man who’s too bony
Has a right-wing point of view
And a Reagan tail tattoo
Thinks she’s way more smart than you and me
Coulter, Ann, you’re snarky
And you spout such malarky
Coulter, Ann, polemic screed is your brand
Wouldn’t know civility
If it bit her gluteally
Don’t think she thinks critic’ly at all
Coulter, Ann, so scary
And you’re quite contrary
Coulter, Ann, from how many shows have you been banned?
Doesn’t have a single clue
Spews forth journalistic poo
All her columns stink like eau de brie
Coulter, Ann, stop hissing
You don’t care who you’re pissing
Coulter, Ann, who’ve you turned off more folks than?
What’s the deal, Coulter, Ann
Setting up your next strawman
No surprise your biggest fan is Hannity
Hating all the libs you pan oh so snotty
Preaching to the right-wing fans, plus nobody
Song Parody: Billy Idol, “Eyes Without a Face”
January 25th, 2012 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Observational Humor, Parody, Science & Technology
Here’s our retarded parody of Billy Idol’s “Eyes Without a Face.”
GUYS IN OUTER SPACE
I can’t drop the soap
In micro-g, nothing will fall
We’re so far from home
On rockets we have flown
No girls, just guys alone
It’s easy to believe
My crewmates Bill and Steve
Are really Jill and Eve
(Les gars dans l’espace) Guys in outer space
(parlez-vous francais) Nine months in this place
(omelette du fromage) Guys in outer space
This no-woman place, we’re guys in outer space
I spent so much time
In training for this ride
My crewmates by my side
Now in this tin can
My docking with a man
Ain’t in the mission plan
(Astronautes sont gay) Guys in outer space
(Rien de mal à cela) Thighs around my face
(Salope, s’il vous plaît) Zero-g embrace
Naked crewman chase, we’re guys in outer space
When you go off duty, back in the ship
Into someone else’s spacesuit, time to unzip
Steal away for a rendezvous in oh, the cargo module
Floating ’round your safety line
Turning slowly over, to align
Sinkin’ it down, oh
I’m tied and trussed to a couple of hand grips
Bleeding where you used cargo straps as whips
I’m thinkin’ of you, you’re back there so
Gay affairs
Gay affairs
Gay affairs
So, with only guys
It’s no wonder why
We improvise
And nobody knows
In mission control
And we won’t disclose
What “reentry” implies
Is diff’rent to us guys
(Un orignal bit ma soeur) Guys in outer space
(Cette langue est gay) Girls we have replaced
(Je déteste français) And mission log erased
What happens in space, had better stay in space
What happens in space, will always stay in space
Re-Purposing Ideas for Your Leftover Toxic Credit Default Swaps
December 14th, 2011 · by liamj · Observational Humor, Opinion/Editorial, Parody, Uncategorized
Got caught holding the hot potato, eh? Me too. And then, suddenly, nobody else wanted to play . . .
They all said, “Umm, I don’t know, man, I think I’m tired of hot potato. How about we switch to Red Light-Green Light, or Mother May I?”
As in: Mother may I have a bail-out.
So, here we are, the salt-of-the-earth types, the ones not in on the in, left on the other side of the looking glass, peering through to try to make out what’s going on in that magic land on the other side as we hold our worthless sacks of toxic credit default swaps.
Well, fear not, favored friends, as I have been hard at work coming up with ideas to extract as much value from those sacks of garbage that I can, and today I pass these ideas along to you, my brothers and sisters, as we now sit here, at long last the first ones to be in on the in, when it comes to the subject of:
The Top Five Things to do With Your Leftover Toxic Credit Default Swaps
Godspeed,
LJL
→ 2 CommentsTags: bailout·hot potato·LJL·re-purposing·repurposing ideas·toxic credit default swaps
RIP: Bill Keane
November 17th, 2011 · by Oliver Clozoff · Entertainment & Gossip, Observational Humor, Parody
Bill Keane, creator of The Family Circus cartoon, has died.
In his honor, here’s how we imagine the cartoon would have gone if authored by H. P. Lovecraft.
→ 1 CommentTags: Bill Keane·Cthulhu·H.P. Lovecraft·humor·Parody·The Family Circus